24/4/13 II

I’m too drunk,

You’re too cute,

I want to die, sweet bliss in me,

And I watch the razor by my side.

Throbbing lips,

For all wrong reasons,

Cup too close to mouth,

Where yours should be.

Pink tongues,

Like summer flowers,

Blossoms, but,

In other’s hearts, and other’s mouths.

I’m sleepy,

And I want to die,

All part of night’s sweet ritual,

Morning’s foe. 

24/4/13

I wish for bliss,

That curses me so,

A sad dripping,

Crumbling so.

Sits on my tongue,

Like acid strips,

But not to melt,

Never to provide me with your side effects.

I wish for blood,

The kind that makes me happy,

And drips like happiness,

From copy paper white skin.

Do you understand me?

Everyone else unmet seems to understand,

But you souls surrounding me,

Have selfish hearts content.

I wish for intoxication,

But I’m already drunk,

And you hate drunk girls,

Why don’t you talk to my anxiety?

My tongue wants to melt with yours,

But only in a hazy dream,

Will lust ever materialize,

I’ll kill myself before I’ll let you near.

You don’t even know your name, do you?

As laughter erupts outside,

All I think is, Mason,

Do you ever think of me?

21/4/13

I waste away,
As I waste my day,
And I can't help but hate myself,
As I sit upon my window shelf,
And watch the world go by,
And suck my soul bone dry.

My head is dizzy,
But you're too busy,
I want a bite,
But fear the spite,
Let me conduct the self destruction,
Under you soft spoken instruction.

Hear the drum beat roar,
Didn't you know this is what you asked for?
Your lustful marching band,
I'm still drowning, you're on dry land,
But even so, even so,
I'll still play your game show.

(3/1/13)

I wish to kiss,

The water’s sweet surface,

His lips intertwined with mine,

In an embrace matched in dreams.

His lips have kissed many before mine,

His are my first.

Their bodies lay in the water’s depths,

Staring up at me.

Sweet suicide sings to me her lullaby,

As I sink deeper into the water’s arms,

His limbs caress my warm skin,

Like loveless lovers between sheets.

A sailor might see me,

A fisherman might try to save me,

But I am no mermaid, no pride of the ocean,

But a girl slowly sinking in tears. 

Black circles hang from under my eyes
They wrap their sticky fingers around my face
Blurring my vision.

My eyes and the edges of my lips,
Watch the space my feet take
And speak more to the world than I could ever imagine.

I do things I do not wish to do
Only because in my dreams I can handle it,
But I can never stop dreaming.

People only see me in one mirror image,
The other is mat and unreflective,
And unperceivable.

I sometimes forget it’s there,
And let myself get carried away with my dreams again,
Only to be disappointed,

When the mind hurricanes
Come again and disrupt my peace,
And demolish the foundations I have built.

Anxiety it is called,
In a world I used to believe in,
But in my real fairytale it reigns.

People lie,
I understand that now
Much more clearly.

They tell me nice things,
Wishful things,
But I have lost all sense of faith in humans.

My mind wonders
Days and nights on end
Analyzing,

To the very word and twitch of a muscle,
To prove that theory,
But I wish it to be untrue.

To progress with people,
You must first understand said people,
But how can I, when they do not wish to understand me?

Words are my Disease

Words,
I have to write words,
Many words.
Words I don't understand,
Words I don't want to understand.

"It'll be worth the drain,"
Words of the higher man.
"It'll al be worth the degration of your brain."
With his broad smile
And skinny words.

Numbers that mean words;
That mean life
Dictate my years before
Suffocating my future,
Just a two diget number -
If I'm lucky.

Stars are bright
And shinny ahead
Of me and waiting to be touched.
But my human body does not wish
To let me live that dream.

Knowledge only last as long
As the breath that passes through your lips,
But somehow, we've let it take control
And now the heart attacks are coming,
The sicknesses are digging into our skin.

"Let it come!"
They cry.
"Let it diminish our bodies and carry away,
All that we have worked for."
Because mental abuse
Has finally taken it's toll.

I am waiting for the day,
when it too, hits me,
crushes my body like I have crushed my mind
And takes me into the sweet ignorance
Of stupidity.

Honey hair and eyes like emeralds

Hair like honey,
Eyes like little green gems hidden deep like treasures.
Fingers long and slender,
fit perfectly to the worn curve in the ivory keys of her piano.
The same song plays over and over,
sometimes a fast pace and full of smiles,
others slow and lullaby like.
Skin, never blistered by the harsh sun,
is only smooth to the touch when a truthful smile commands the lips.
But the longer the fake smiles dictate,
the longer the skin is rough.

She likes the feathers of a song bird,
Hung from her neck,
from her ears,
from her wrists,
hoping she might spontaneously take flight,
only hoping, ever hoping.
because what do we really know,
about flight itself?
Man might have conquered the sky, the land and the sea,
But does not understand the feelings so animal like,
so passionate, that we cannot contain it in ourselves.
The feeling of flying, truly flying,
but enclosed in a box we are,
in the skies as much as we are in life.

Honey hair and eyes like emeralds,
sees the skies for what they truly are.
Wisps of pure heaven,
little pockets of peacefulness,
a great land just out of reach of discovering.
It is lost on her,
why we travel the land,
the deep,
and the vast blackness of space,
but we have not yet discovered our own sky,
and the truths it has captured.

Valentine's Poem

There once was a love,
a love so beautiful
that it shone brighter than the sun
and the stars combined.

There once was a love,
a love so strong
that it stood tall against every war and every hardship
until the ends of time.

There once was a love,
a love so perfect
that it was studied for centuries after love grew extinct
considered as complex as the Pyramids.

There once was a love,
a love so fantastic
that it brought the entire human civilization down on its knees
and a tear to the eye of the coldest soul.

There once was a love,
a love so craved by others
that they poked and prodded, wanting it desperately to fall,
so that they might not feel so destroyed under its light.

There once was a love,
a love so united
that they were bound by blood, soul and mind
that couldn't ever be destroyed.

There once was a love,
a love so hard to find
that people spend their lives searching for it
an endless and hopeless journey for this one desire.

There once was a love,
a love I wish for everyone.
You will find it one day, trust me.
Love is a fate that doesn't want to be searched for,
that doesn't want to be categorised,
that doesn't want to be forgotten.
Trust in fate, it knows what it's doing.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone :) <3

where has it gone?

where has the wind gone,
that once held me so high?
The wind that brushes past me,
That guides me home.

Where has the water gone,
That once flowed through me?
The water that soaked my skin,
Cleansing me of my impurities.

Where has the fire gone,
That once warmed my soul?
The fire that lighted up my world,
to give me the gift of sight.

Where has the earth gone,
in which i had once planted my feet?
The earth which fed me,
And gave me life.

And most importantly where has you heart gone?
I though you loved me.
But as I look into your chest
All I see is an empty space.
And I realize I'm all alone...

Dear Maths

Dear maths,
Oh how I hate you.
I have done so much for you.
I have solved your problems,
And I have worked with you for hours,
But you never seem to change.
You will always have something else wrong,
And I never get anything in return,
Except for heavy eyes
And a throbbing head.
So, dear maths,
You can go jump down a well.
Don’t worry about me,
I won’t miss you,
Promise.

Victim's poem

I've run day and night,
And yet darkness is on my tail.
They never stop,
They never rest,
Not even for a minute

Friend or foe,
Blood is spilt,
Staining our great land,
a stale red
And it makes me sick.

Help me!
Please, help me!
Why won't you help me?
Don't just sit there!
Don't let them take me away!

my Love is an Angel

My love is an angel,
an angel of glass.
Crystal eyes,
and wings of snow.

But now I sit by the fire,
watching them shatter in my hands.
I don’t understand,
how we are so powerful,
yet so weak.

My angel’s blood,
stains my hands forever.
the sun sets taking my heart
leaving me in the dark

Oh love, how I miss
the touch of your skin
the love in your eyes
forgive me my angel

I shatter the mirrors
like I shattered my angel
So I don’t see the monster
that sits on my shoulder
telling me what a good job I’ve done

when love is lost

When love is lost,
Sky greys,
Heads lower.
No one tries.

Lost,
I run,
High into the mountains,
Where air is thin.

I breathe deep,
Slowly losing my mind.
Where were you,
I’m so lost without you.

I crave your voice,
Your touch,
Your kiss.
Please come back.

My head spins,
Out of contol.
How can you save me now?
Would you save me now?

Many questions dwell inside me,
None that can be answered.
I hate my self,
But not as much as I hate you.

Macbeth

They follow me closely,
Like the night follows the day,
And their pain radiates from them,
Like smoke from a fire.

They moan,
And they wail,
Constantly reminding me,
Of the deed I have done.

At every slight noise,
They scream in my ear,
making me jump,
And swallow my heart.

"My hands are your colour,
But I shame to wear a heart so white."
But I know her heart,
And it's is as black as the burden I carry.

My skin glistens with the crimson,
That is thicker than water,
But in my cruel act,
I have broken my sense of family.

The gold that surrounds my head,
shields my aura,
And hides my fear,
Surely they know.

Day after day,
I find that death is upon my door step,
never for me,
but by my command.

I have murdered sleep,
And while I wake and walk,
I do not fear,
But as I close me eyes they return to me.

My beauty has gone,
her heart to beat no longer,
And with her hands in mine,
I find I no longer need her.

I see my death in front of me,
in the form of a man,
born not of woman,
And I call to him and laugh.

Love is a melody

The music is so soft,
yet it beats inside of me,
louder than my heart.

It makes me want to shout,
to sing,
to make the world know of my happiness.

So beautiful and sweet,
Warm and comforting,
I feel safe when I hear the notes ring loudly in my ears.

I makes me catch my breath,
makes my skin tingle,
Makes me want to cry and laugh.

I have to hear it,
over and over,
I never want it to end.

But then the notes get slower,
softer than before,
and I know I don't have long to soak it in.

For this is just another song,
just another melody,
just another boy trying to win my heart.