Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Forgive and Forget

The feeling burned within me. It was sickening and overwhelming. I wanted to scream and yell at anyone in my reach, to hit or kick some of the rage out of me. But I knew this feeling would never go away, no matter how hard I tried to get over it. I poured myself a drink – straight whisky of course – with shaking hands, just barely getting the drink into the glass. The drink soothed me only slightly. The thick alcohol burned down my throat, taking away from the heart ache and pooled in my head, disfiguring my mind and distracted me from my cruel imagination that wanted to torment me until I pulled each hair from my head – which I wasn’t far away from doing.
I sunk to the ground, wrapping my arms around my long legs. I still wore the dress from last night and I regretted wearing such a tight and uncomfortable dress when it wasn’t worth it anyway. I shook and wept, no doubt ruining my make up. I might have sat in that state for hours, sinking in my own depression that was as thick as mud. The only time I broke away from staring blankly at the floor was to pour myself another drink until there wasn’t a drop left. I couldn’t believe that I was crying over a boy of all things. I wanted to walk right up to him and scream into his smug little face that he wasn’t worth the effort, and that he’s an immature little boy with the fat body of an old man and that he was going to die alone. But when I realized that I could barely motivate myself to stand up I knew that confronting the jerk wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
I didn’t believe in love until I met this selfish boy – his love was like honey; beautiful and golden and can make anything, even the darkest moments taste delicious and feel fantastic. It might be hard to make and collect, but it’s worth it, and it never runs out. But I don’t want his love; I’m incapable in fact. I thought he loved me, this boy I was crying over now. I loved him – well I thought I did.
A cold and hard though struck me hard in the back of my head, and I grasped it, realizing that this would be the only chance I got, and this would be the only way to set my life straight. I pulled my mobile from my coat pocket and started typing. I was going to fix this. I can love again.
Forgive and forget? I texted him. Terribly cold way to talk, but if I spoke I would have screamed.
You would forgive me? I thought you hated me?
Love overpowers hate – you said that. Come over?
You won’t try to kill me? haha
Never xx

People use that phrase too loosely I thought as I sifted through my kitchen looking for my carving knife…

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

In the city that never sleeps

Lights flickered down on the thousands of people below, and cast a full spectrum of colour on the dancers, distorting the eyes of all who looked up, making reality and fantasy a blur; a colourful cloud. Muscles tensed and relaxed, moved and stretched along with the heavy thump of the music, programmed by the sound god who seemed so little, so far up above the crowds in his booth. He controlled the energy of the house and his followers were never disappointed. He looked over his subjects, a smile playing on his face at his creation, that he can make thousands of people move in unison by his hand.
Drinks mixed, cash exchanged, silent words made, but sound meshed with the music. Red lips and gleaming teeth make their way to the bar. She doesn’t try to speak, she knows words are useless when deafening sounds triumph the room. Fluro nails tapped on the counter top table as she waited for a drink. Folds of fabric clung to her sides, and her dark hair glued down to her face in clumps by layers of water and sweat. She couldn’t help but move side to side along with the rhythmic sounds. She played with the many beaded necklaces wrapped around her neck while she closed her eyes, letting her mind wander with the ever changing music. Her exhaustion was taking over her senses, and the tiny voice inside her head, telling her to go to sleep was starting to reach the surface. But she wouldn’t let the insane nose of her everlasting sensibility to take control. This night wasn’t over yet, and she was going to make it last a life time. She downed the sweet bright pink drink and let the alcohol pick up her energy. The buzz traveled through her veins like a shot of adrenalin and she was back on the dance floor, lost in the thousands jumping in the air, trying to reach the unreachable. Her head flicked back and fourth, long hair following its movements, regardless of the heavy weight of sweat. Glitter fell from the heavens and the beautiful fantasy world settled on the woman as her reality. She had lost sense of time, and though the sound god had done his job for the night, her night was far from over.
Another few drinks down, all different colours to match her nails. Old faces lost in the hundreds of bodies moving in all directions, new faces met and lost as quickly as they came. Night rolled on and the dawn was making its approach. The world was a haze for the woman now, but she didn’t want to let it go. The fantasy was making its escape, and real life would be forced.
Sunlight burned through her eye lids and the heat of the summer was too heavy for comfort. Mascara caked eyelashes fluttered open, and sleepily, blood red eyes glanced across the hotel room; she had some how found a way home. Memories were scarce, but good times were never without a mild case of amnesia. Lost thoughts would be replaced with photos and another all nighter was just around the corner. Just another night the city that never sleeps.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Games

Maria's heart thrashed against her rib cage looking for some kind of escape.
"This is just a game" she whispered to herself. "Just a game, they can't hurt us." she slowly navigated through the maze, the faint glow from her skin being her only source of light. Her heart slowed as it registered the soothing words. Her hands were out stretched in front of her as she followed her instincts towards what she hoped was the end of the maze. She was never good at finding her way through mazes and as the unnerving feeling of someone behind her crawled through her skin, the panic swam through her body like a virus. She spun around, but couldn't see anyone behind her, not that she'd be able to see anyone, because beyond the two metre radius of light she had, the darkness swamped around her, thick like oil. She could feel the darkness somehow closing in on her, and she didn't look back as she ran off in one direction. The maze tweisted and turned and she didn't take the time to consider where she was going, she just let her fear lead her, and corner her to a dead end. She hadn't seen a different path for a while, and she didn't want to turn back, not when she could feel it keeping up behind her, not far away.
She leant back on the wall she was trapped behind and peered back into the darkness, willing her eyes to see further than they could. She sat there for quite some time, her chest heaving, unsuccessfully trying to bring the right amount of air into her body. She had lost her sense of time, but she knew she had been there for too long. Once again a sense of security sank into her, but she knew it wouldn’t be too long before the game challenged it.
“Hello?” she called, desperate for a human response. But there was only an eerie silence and the weak sound of her grasping breath.
Hel-“she called again, but was cut off by a horrible high scream coming from her far right. It was high and familiar, too much like Jade’s sing-song voice. The noise made Maria jump up right, and her heart rate sky rocket, drumming on her insides, threatening to jump from her mouth.
“Jade!” she screamed, hoping she could hear her friend. She clawed at the walls, hoping that she could possibly reach the top and get away. But her short structure made escape futile. She sank back to the floor, wrapped her arms around her knees and wept. She felt so alone in the murky, black world that had swallowed her whole, but her loneliness turned to full panic when she could feel the mysterious presents creep back.
“Who’s there?” she whispered into the blackness. As always, she was met with no answer. The light poured silently and evenly from her skin, but for a moment it flickered. Not like a candle, but like a shadow had come across it. A grey, sickly shadow that lingered above her legs like long skinny fingers. Her fear held her down like lead shoes and gloves. The shadows came from the darkness, and they extended out in a never ending shadow, as far as Maria could see. They touched her skin, tracing delicately down her shin bone, but they were colder than ice, even with their fragile touch, and slimy. The touch jolted her out of her fear, and she wanted nothing more that to get away from whatever it was. She tried to jump to her feet, but the shadows wrapped around her legs and dragged her down again. A face with no apparent body appeared from the darkness. Though it was more like a mask than a face. It was the face of a woman. Her eyes were closed and she held no expression on her face. She looked like she was sleeping. But she had absolutely no colour in her face. Her skin was chalk white, and her lips and eyes matched that.
“Were you going to leave me?” she shadows asked her. The voice sounded like it belonged to the woman’s face, but she did not move her lips. Maria opened her mouth to answer, but no words were formed, only a choking noise. Her mind was more registered with escape than to answer the monster in front of her. Two hands wrapped around her leg as the face disappeared, and other than the slimy feeling crawling up her leg, you wouldn’t know of the invisible being; a creature that was four times the size of Maria, not that she would be able to tell, that the heat vision cameras could pick up, looming over Maria.

The viewers, sitting in their homes for one moment sat in complete silence, watching the screen in anticipation, as they watched the giant red blob that stood tall, gazing over the smaller red dot that was Maria.
"They wouldn't let her die...would they?" asked one particular viewer, to her mother, who couldn't draw her eyes from the small flickering screen to her child, who was left with silence.

Back in the games room, in the complete darkness, maria watched as the shadows moved to consume her, and her tears melted with the sweat that fell from her brow.
From the clouds grew long, dark, sharp figures, like yellowing, cracked bone. They had materialized from the darkness and broke deep into maria's skin before she could release the breath of her scream. Instead of fear, her scream was laced with pain as the teeth of the monster bit deeper into her bone, pulling at the loose, bloody flesh. Her screamed echoed throughout the entire room, one that was too large for the player to contemplate. Every other player shuddered with some form of fear or anxiety, wondering what they might have to fear.

The gruesome act happening to the poor girl was broad casted all over the world, and while many looked away or covered the eyes of their young ones, they would always come back to the television, waiting for the next episode...

Saturday, October 9, 2010


I transition into my new self. I can never get used to the unsightly process that is my transformation, but one has to live with what they have. If I didn't I might have been dead decades ago. Though as time passes I wonder if living in the shadows is any different from death? I must protect myself from the humans, unless I dare wish for a long, painful death, stretched out to possibly years. I guess I can understand their curiosity, without understanding their method. They do not know so much about the world they live in; they live in a world kept in a bubble away from the vast power and strength that comes from my world. I wish I could say sometimes I feel sorry for the human race, but I've watched them, and I can assure you, I feel nothing more that hatred for the despicable beings who have forced my people into hiding.
My spine snaps awkwardly to the left, and my whole body, for one moment freezes, unable to move, before a tidal wave of pain shoots through me, ripping each of my nerves to shreds as it passes from muscle to muscle. Unsuccessfully clawing the air for something to steady me, I fall slowly to the ground. My surroundings are now only a blur, a room of indescribable shapes and colours. Sadly this situation was not one I was new to. Any human in the same situation would be left paralyzed, head to toe. Transformation is a desired and one very difficult skill, and any loss of concentration could result in mistakes; and that distraction then stood in the doorway of the darkened room, her small glowing face swallowed by the stacks of books that lined the walls. She couldn't take her eyes off me, and as partially human, her eyes conveyed similar emotions; curiosity, fear, empathy, sorrow. Her bright blue eyes portrayed so many different thoughts, but it was those same blue eyes that made me forget that one second. Her already large eyes widened further when she heard the agonising snap, but her face defined perfect calmness, a small sign that distinguished her from the humans.
"Could you help me?" I asked, assessing the large break in the bone, protruding slightly through the skin, with my hand. She looked at me carefully, stepping over me, and disregarding my pain and discomfort, she placed her knee on my back, facing against the new shape of the bone and roughly pulled back my shoulders, snapping the bone back into place. A sudden warmth swept over me, and the transformation continued until there wasn't a single mark on my back, and the only evidence was the blood on the back of my shirt. I sighed, frustrated.
"My favorite shirt."
"You'll get over it." she muttered. I noticed it then, but I didn't know how I could have missed it before. She helped me up, though I didn't need the help, and then quickly let go of my arm and took a few steps back. She felt incredibly intimidated by my kind; though being partially one of us, she was still partially human. My previous life lay in a heap on the floor, discarded like clothing. The young girl glanced at it, at first with curiosity and jealousy and then in disgust.
"How often do you transform?" she asked me, not meeting my eyes. I towered over her with my new, strong build, but I still didn't know what I looked like.
"Every decade or so." She was curious and jealous, knowing that she was going to die some day. I wonder how much she would change if only she knew that so many of my kind were made and not born that way. She knew so little...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Ballerina

She danced along the length of the mirror, long black hair flowing down her back, flicking wildly with the movement of her graceful body. A delicate beauty, a flower that only blossomed when the sun rose, and every eye would be upon her. But the fragile soul was trapped forever in the frame of reflective glass, never to stop dancing. Her toes ached and everything around her was spinning. Her world was out of control, but she let the addictiveness of movement take away her pain and senses, to live in a illusion of bliss. The curse pulsed through her veins, but she was too tired to stop it consuming her. Blood dripped down from her feet when the skin couldn't take the pressure, soaking her shoes a bright red. She leaped and she soared higher than she had ever done in her previous life and she felt alive ever time she landed perfectly, and she landed ever time. But she could feel the energy draining, and as the days rolled on, one after the other tumbling on, she could see her end was near. She spun wildly, never letting her heels touch the floor, frame to frame of her childhood full length mirror, performing for the little girl who watched silently with large eyes. The ballerina called out to the child, but the little dark haired child couldn't hear her. As the day came, the ballerina cried tears of blood, the pain becoming far more servre than unbearable. Her bloody foot prints were all that were left in the reflection, the ballerina never to be seen again by the little girl.

(ok this post was really short i know, and it was getting kind of dark, so i wrapped it up fast)

Sunday, August 29, 2010


You could hear the patrols coming a mile away. They were loud, like the monsters they were, charging through the land, crushing everything in their path. Some people stood on the streets, cheering them on; little children holding flags and banners, having the time of their lives. They had no idea what was really happening. Other people stood at doors and windows, watching them in disgust. They wish they could do something, but wanted their lives more than they wanted the peace. At least they could stand on the streets. And others, like myself, ran and hid. For my people, we were hunted, like animals; heads to hang over the mantle. I didn't know what they did with us when caught, but I had heard some pretty gruesome stories, and I didn't really want to know what was true.
I didn't have much time to get away, they were looking for someone. Maybe there were others like me in the small town. But if they were here, I'd never meet them, because the patrols wouldn't leave unless they found someone. It was me or them, if there was anyone else.
I ran from the window as a black, sleek car and two guard motorbike pulled up in front of the building, five stories below. There was only one place in the small apartment where I could hide. Up in the attic there was some loose boards under a bookcase, which led to a small crawl space between the attic floor and the apartment ceiling. Rebecca helped me and pushed the bookcase back to seal me in. In wriggled into the small space until I thought I was deep enough in. It was a very tight space. I had electrical wires jamming into my back everywhere I moved, and I couldn't breathe without inhaling a handful of dust. I held my hand an inch from my face, but I couldn't see it. I tried to search for any light through the floor boards, but it was as if the light had been swallowed up by the darkness. And now I too felt like the light, sitting in the belly of the darkness. The hideout suddenly felt so tiny, so small, closing in on me. Claustrophobia took over my senses and the added fear of the patrol below made me feel sick.
Suddenly there was a loud crash below and the walls shook. I assumed they had knocked down the door, not bothering to wait for Rebecca to answer it. But it didn't matter, they could do what ever they wanted and no one would stand in the way. I could hear them talking, but they were too far to hear. But Rebecca's squeal came through to me crystal clear. The horrible noise soaked through all the way to my bones and suddenly everything became so real. I had been putting my friend, who had given me so much, in danger all this time. Just by being here, in her house; Rebecca could be killed for that! I heard the attic door - a trap door in the ceiling open. I couldn't move, I was so scared, I could barely breathe. There was some light that trickled through. It was almost blinding since my eyes had adjusted to the darkness. But I didn't dare look away, in case that slight movement of my head created enough noise to alert the patrol. Five men entered the attic. I could hear their heavy footsteps thud across the old wooden floor. I didn't know if that was all of them, or if there were more waiting down stairs. At first the only ends I saw were to get caught or hide and get away, but my cruel imagination added a third scenario; what if they took Rebecca? Would they hurt her? Could they kill one of their own, even if by protecting me she was a traitor to them? But I forced those images out of my mind for now, I couldn't let them take control. My body attempted a series of spastic convolutions; a claustrophobic symptom I had experienced only once before when my brother locked my in the pig pen, but the the men, who almost stepped right above me scared me more than the space closing in on me. I could see one of them through the cracks in the floor boards. He was so close! I put my hand over my mouth, risking the chance of sound, afraid that he could hear me breathe.
The man spoke to another soldier in their language but I recognised the word for 'kill'. He pointed off to his left, but where he was looking was out of my view. My heart smashed around in my chest wildly, like it wanted to be found and was knocking on the door. Surely they could hear it. The man above took a step forward, stepping on a board that curved downwards, like a lot of the boards in the attic that were old and couldn't hold the pressure like they used to. Only difference was that it pressed down on my stomach, severely restricting my breathing. I knew he felt the difference in the floor because he paused, standing completely still, like stone. I knew he was just about to rip the floor boards apart, the others aiming their guns down at me. I wondered that if I gave myself up now they wouldn't hurt Rebecca. But I couldn't move. The shock of it held me down like three inch nails through my limbs. And thank God I didn't move, because a second later the soldier moved, heading back to the door. He called to the others, and they all left with them. I realised I hadn't been breathing that whole time they were there, and suddenly all the life and relief flood back to me. I didn't know what had happened, but I hoped that they had given up the search. It had felt like they had been there for a whole day searching, standing inches away from me, but it probably want more than two hours or so. I didn't come out until Rebecca came and got me ten minutes later. I hadn't been so relieved to see anyone in my life. Though I could see the nasty bruise the men left on the side of her face beginning to appear. We came down stairs, and I could see how much damage they had really done. The large bookcase had been tipped over, and a large crack began to grow from the side. Books and other possessions of Rebecca's were thrown around the room. And in the light I could see how bad they had really hurt Rebecca.
"No really, I'm alright. This can all be fixed in a couple of days." If I had never come here for help, she'd be living a safe life, but I had been too greedy, only thinking of myself. I wandered over to the living area, picking up the scattered objects, when I came across an object I hoped I'd never come close to, ever in my life. It was one of the soldier's gun. I knew what was going to happen now, but it was too late to do anything about it, because it was already happening. Suddenly an unarmed solider entered the room, obviously come back to retrieve his gun. He was half way through his explanation when he saw me. I didn't need to understand his language to know that I left him speechless. That's what so many girls want, don't they? to leave a boy speechless. But I didn't think this is what anyone would have wanted. I could hear the words forming in his mind. He was going to yell down to the patrol below. But I was too quick for him. I swung back towards him, gun in hand, aimed and shot without thinking twice. It was the first thing I thought of doing, and I didn't think again until it was over, and the deed was done. Once again I had though only of me, thinking through greed. For my only life and safety, I had just killed someone. I had just killed someones son, someones friend, possibly someones father. Although, the morals and ethics of murder would have to wait, because what was next in line was the patrol that were running up the stairs to the apartment.

Friday, August 27, 2010


As I was sprinting to the back meadows I realised something was different. I'd run this way every day; my record was one minute thirty seven. But I was no longer running with those words skimming across my brain. "This is it." I'd tell myself. "This is the grand finals, the race to end all races. All you have to do is win, then you'll never have to run again." All false promises. I can never stop running, whether I want it to or not. Running was in my blood, and every day I cursed my blood just for that. But the hope of leaving the competitive world behind got me to run faster, like a burst of energy, even if it was just running from the house to the back meadows. But today I didn't think of that hope, I didn't try to push myself, I didn't think of anything at all, just how good it felt to move without demand. I had never noticed how the wind brushed past my face and through my hair. I had never noticed how it felt sometime to run so fast it was like i was flying. I just ran - for what reason, I don't know. To escape maybe? Nevertheless I found myself running faster than I ever have before. I was in the meadows before I knew it. Out from the dense bush land that sealed the sky from the ground, bursting through the canopy and into the powerful warmth of the sunset. I checked my watch, briefly entering my competitive frame of thought. One minute twenty six! I couldn't believe how quickly I made it there.
I could hear my father screaming from the house. My name echoed through the farm. His voice could have echoed through the whole town. But I couldn't stop now. I really was running my last race - the race that my whole career, my whole life depended on. I kept running, reaching the boarder of the farm. I wasn't going to stop, but I didn't know where I was going to go. But far away from here was the destination.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


The men's grips around my arms were strong, and no matter how much i struggled, how much i kicked, I knew i was never going to make it, and the explosion of colour in the distance confirmed that. The loud, horrible bang crawled under my skin like ants; biting and swarming through my insides destroying me from the inside out. But I couldn't let the death of my star to be the death of me as well. For a moment the two men on either side of me forgot that they were holding me down and gazed up at the beautiful death lighting up the sky like fireworks. I quickly pulled back my arm from the first unsuspecting man. I had only a second to act, but that was all I needed. The second man was well built, but didn't have the height that the first man had. I swung my arm up at the second guy, hitting him in the nose with my elbow. He fell backwards, clutching his bloody face. I fell to the ground to avoid the arms of the first man, reaching out to grab me. I swung my leg around and hit him in the back of the knee. He fell awkwardly backwards and hit his head on one of the blue pillars. He didn't get up so i assumed he was unconscious. But I didn't give him much thought, because the second man was getting up. He was still clutching his face with one hand. But i didn't let him take two steps. Just as he was at arms length, I drove the knife I pulled from my boot into his stomach. I didn't realise what I have done until I saw the life fade from his face. I let him drop to my feet, but as soon as my brain began to function again, I dragged him to sit beside the other man. It made me sick to even look at him, let alone haul him away.
I looked up at the empty sky. The colourful light was starting to fade, but there was a small burst of warmth that burned my skin as a result of the distant explosion. That had happened frequently since the first blast, though none as hot as that one.
I was stuck on the little island planet , slowly drifting away from the dead sun. My home; my star was destroyed and I could do nothing except wait. Wait with a dead and an unconscious man, wondering what would come first; the wake of the man that could very well kill me, or the wave of gases and heat from the explosion that would vapourise the entire planet?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


The morning sun rose slowly over the watery horizon. I usually never got up early enough to see the sun rise, but today was special. White light laced the edges of the moons crowding in the sky and the rays of warmth stretched out to the stars that were disappearing, one star at a time. There wasn’t a noise at all where I sat. Not a single animal or insect. Not even the sound of the gentle wind. The eerie silence gave me chills, even though it was humid for such an early morning. The sun rose to blast its energy my way, and I had to shield my eyes for only a moment before it slowly disappeared behind the first small moon. There would be three eclipses this morning; by midday they would be finished, and by then I would be gone.
Suddenly a bright light appeared in the distance, brighter than the morning sun, that it forced me to turn away. An exploding star, maybe? The bright white faded into the many colours of a supernova; pink blue yellow, so many different shades. It was beautiful. Too bad something so beautiful could be the destruction of a planet that held a race of people, just like my own. There used to be a time when a nova was a rarity, something unique, but in these times, it was a common, devastating event. How things have changed.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


I ran up the furthest hill, the highest hill that blocked my view of what should be the rest of the world. But I knew i would never be able to pass it, because when i reached the tree at the top of the hill i realised the blurriness in my vision that i expected from a distance was still apparent, even though i was only metres away from the great oak.
I stopped, looking at it for a minute, before reaching out to touch the tree with the tips of my fingers. I prayed as hard as I could, to who ever could hear me, asking that this tree was real; that i just needed glasses; that i was just being paranoid; a cruel trick of the mind.
But just before reaching the tree my fingers were stopped by an invisible force that was as hard and as cold as concrete.
"No." I whispered. "No, this can't..." I placed my hand firmly on the invisible wall. I squeezed my eyes shut, so hard that it gave me a headache.
"This isn't real. This isn't real!" i said over and over again, eyes still squeezed shut. But when i opened my eyes there was still the out-of-focus tree, inches from my touch.
"No!" I screamed, hitting my fists against the wall. I hit so hard with both hands, that I felt I was shaking the ground I stood on. The world around me was suddenly silenced. Not a noise from the town below, not a bird, not even the sound of the wind was heard. Then suddenly, as if it had all come rushing back to me, the world started motion again, and i was shoved back by an invisible force. My head throbbed and my vision was distorted. My thoughts were in panic, a thousand at once screaming and shouting to be heard. But the one that stood the tallest, the one that i could hear clearly - run. get out of here. Now! I obeyed, running back into town, looking for an escape.
The small town, that was usually packed with people, walking in the streets, the the parks, at the markets, all seemed to have disappeared. My heart raced, thumping at my chest, wanting an escape as desperately as I did. i ran to the closest house, and banged on the old wooden door.
"Hello? Is anyone there?" no answer. I ran and climbed over the fence, and thumped on the second door. Still no answer.
"There's no one left, Mummy. No point in trying." I spun around on my heels to face the voice. There she was. Little Hana, such a small and fragile girl, the rings around her eyes growing darker every day. She stood tall and intimidating, even though she looked sick and dying.
"Where is everyone?" i asked, surprised that sound actually came out of my mouth considering how scared i was.
"I sent them away. They were ruining the fun." she said with a sickly sweet voice. "Come and play with me mummy?" she slowly took a few steps forward, and with every step she grew an inch. I took a step back, but i was only pressed against the door.
"Don't you want to play?"
" playing." I whispered, my voice cracking. I could feel the tears rising up; i couldn't stop them from running down my cheeks.
"Mummy? Don't you love me anymore?" she stopped moving, waiting for my reply. She stood now just past the garden fence of the house. She was almost as tall as me. He body was so stretched out, she didn't even look human anymore.
"No." was all i could seem to say. The anger suddenly boiled inside Hana and she ran towards me, her long and powerful arms reaching out for me.

"You're going to have to make a decision, Mr Lancaster. I'm sorry to have to ask you such a question, but we need the hospital beds." Said a voice.
"Yes I understand. Do you think you could give me another day?" I couldn't see anything, but somehow the voices made sense.
"James?" I called. I knew it was him. I had never heard his voice, but I knew, i just knew.
"Jensen? Jensen!" he yelled. I still couldn't see anything, but i could feel his warmth. "Doctor! She's speaking!"

I opened my eyes, but I didn't see James. I was crouching down, my hands covering my head. I was leaning against the door, back with Hana. I looked around and there she was, back to her original size, staring up at the sky in fear. There was something different about the town. Everything was...darker. The clouds suffocated the usually brilliant blue sky. The array of flowers had gone into hiding, burying their faces, leaving only the grey shades of decay where the vibrant green should have been.
"You could have been happy." said Hana. She sounded different. She wasn't a child anymore. "I made this world all for you, and you had to ruin it!"
"What are you talking about?"
"the real world isn't that great. You heard James yourself. He was considering pulling the plug. He was going to let you die!"
"You heard him to?"
"I've always heard him. Clear as day. But you, if you had just accepted this perfect world, that I made all for you, and stopped fighting, you would have never have had to hear what they've said." She was angry and upset, but i could see it on her face that she truly wanted me to stay.
"If I didn't fight, I would have never known about my real life, my real family." I stood up. I wasn't going to take anymore from this child. I wasn't going to let her take over my life, letting me die, when I knew I could fight back.
"You wouldn't have a daughter if I had never brought you here." she said, her voice so small and weak, not in fear, but a plea. That struck me hard. The one thing I've always wanted and something I won't ever have. "Please stay." It was only a whisper, but I could hear every emotion in her words. She was so weak now, trying to hold me back.
"Jensen! Please talk to me!" I hear him cry from the sky. The world was beginning to crumble and Hana was dying.
"I can't stay. I'm sorry." The ground shook, and a nearby tree fell loudly to the ground. Ignoring her surroundings, Hana ran up to me and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her fragile little body. She was so cold.
"Goodbye." I whispered.
"Don't forget me." Her words were almost gone.

Beep, beep, beep. The familiar sound rung loudly in my ears. The noise that had filled my dreams was now coming out into reality. I opened my eyes, and looked up at James who was standing over me.
"It's a miracle." said the doctor standing off by the door.

Monday, July 26, 2010

My Frustration

Terror courses through my veins. it bites at my insides, ripping me apart from within. The fear takes over, leaving me in the dark, where my eyes are useless. I don't know who i am anymore. Darkness has taken away my identity. I am a puppet to worry, to stress, to pressure. I am sculpted by the cruel words that hit me like rocks and cut me like knives. Expectation and assumptions are what keep me up at night. They are what scream in my ears - "YOU WILL FAIL." until i scream and kick with frustration, but they're gone the second i try to look for them. Insomnia eats away at my sanity, and the temptation of false bliss floats about it all, whispering in my ear that it could all go away.
But I will break through, I will stand strong. I am power and I am strength. Nothing and nobody can or will ever keep me down. I may carry these weights on my back, but I keep my head held high. I will not be broken.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

The Hunter and his prey

Running. Just. Keep. Running. Those are the only thoughts that are going through my mind. So long had I trained for this moment, and I was loosing! I looked up ahead, but the stress to each one of my aching muscles distorted my vision. Yet I could still see the dark figure darting between the trees that was my prey. Damn it why did it have to be so fast? It was strange. I had never seen something so fast, and I've seen some messed up things in my time.
"Crap!" I yelled. I twisted my foot in a ditch - probably a rabbit's hole, but I didn't have time to check. I kept running, the pain radiating from my ankle taking some of the pain away from my back. I couldn't see it anymore, but I could hear it. The cracks and rustle of branches and leaves it ran over, and it's heavy breathing. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that it sounded scared, the fearful breaths and whimpers of a girl. Well it should be afraid if me. Nothing had gotten past me before, I was the best hunter in the country.
And suddenly, silence. It had stopped, I was sure of it. I might have had better days, but I just knew it was hiding. I looked around. Sure there were tonnes of hiding places for it, but it was just a beast, an animal. It wasn't smart enough to beat me.

I dove into an area, under a tree, shielded by bushes and the tree's large, strong roots. I tried to control my breathing, but I couldn't help panting, gasping for air, afraid that my lungs were closing up, rejecting the air I so desperately needed. The hunter was right behind me last time I checked. I hadn't seen a human that was so fast that he could almost catch up to me. But I was sure that he had lost me. Then I heard it. His feet, trampling over the fallen leaves that covered every inch in a sheet of golds and reds.
Please, keep going. Please keep going I prayed, but it was inevitable that he would notice me stopping. I should have kept running. He wouldn't have lasted very long, he was only human. I knew what was going to happen next, but I didn't want that, and all my life I had tried to avoid it. I hugged my legs tightly, trying to make myself as small as possible. My blood rushed passed my ears creating the constant beat of death. Surely he could hear my heart beat. Surely the horrible noise is what made him walk those few steps towards me.

There! That's where it was. It had to be hiding there. It was a large area, probable dug out by some animal. It was perfectly shielded by bushes and roots, but I was smarter than any stupid animal. I could see that it was the place she'd hide. I took the knife carefully from the sheath strapped to my ankle, so that she wouldn't hear me coming. It was a large knife - my father's knife actually. He gave it to me when I took up the family business. He made some of his best kills with this knife, and this monster would be mine. If only my plan had worked the first time, she would already be mine; her head on a board above the mantelpiece. I took two careful steps. Still nothing. Another few; I was almost there. but still no movement. She was there, I know she was. I know what she thinks and I know she would have gone to hide there. I ducked behind the bush and looked under the roots into the dirt room. But there was nothing there! How could she get away like that without me hearing?

I ran faster than I have ever run before. My already wounded heart wasn't taking the mixture of fear and adrenalin well, along with the reduction of oxygen and need for blood to be pumped down to my feet, just to keep them going. I was going to run out of energy soon. But I wasn't going to let the hunter catch me. He had already done enough damage to my family, I wasn't going to let him eliminate all of us. The clearing was just up ahead of me. I was going to make it! Only a little further.
BANG! The sounds of gun shots rung in the background. I didn't dare look back or stop. The horrible sound rung loudly in my ears, but I was going to make it. Two more shots. They were too far back for him to actually see me. How could he know where I was? He was a better hunter than I could fathom. There was only one way out; one way to end this. It wasn't the way I wanted it to go, but it was the only way I could get out of this.

I had picked up her trail again. It wasn't hard, she might be fast, but she wasn't as good as her brother at covering her tracks. I unstrapped the gun from my shoulder. Firing into the air, i hoped to spook her into stopping again. This time I wouldn't let her get away. She was mine. I could feel it. And just as I predicted, she had stopped; she was hiding again. But we were too close to the edge of the forest, she was going to have some trouble finding a hiding spot in such thin bushland. And there she was, hiding behind a tree. Such a stupid beast, a child could find her. I slung the shotgun back over my shoulder, killing her in one shot was too easy, and removed the knife once more. I was almost in killing distance when she stepped out from behind the tree. Was she giving up? The girl stood before me, and for the first time I got a good look at a living monster. She was so...human. They all were, but only I knew what they really were. She was young, couldn't be more than 16. She was skinny, obviously forced to live off scraps and her clothes were basic and dirty. Her skin was a living account of all her battles, not only with me, but with other hunters. I could see the large scar across her collar bone that was beginning to heal insanely quick. She was afraid, I could tell so easily, just like any other child. But it was a mask, it had to be.
But she wasn't surrendering, she was changing. I had only seem them change once, and from a distance. It was disgusting. The skin on her right arm peeled back and revealed sharp black bone, growing and growing into jagged claws. She bared her teeth, in an act to scare me. Her human teeth was gone, and she scowled a full set of long black teeth, as sharp as my hunting knife. But I wasn't going to back down.

I tried to scare him off, I really did. I didn't want to hurt him. But he just stood there, knife ready to hurt me again. I knew what he was thinking. He was going to take his gun, I could see him slowly bringing his hand back to get it. If I didn't act fast I was going to die. I pounced, not thinking of anything other than protecting myself. He was ready for me, and swung the large knife at me. But I was too fast and dodged his feeble attempts. With the long claws in my hand I dug into his chest, rendering him helpless, and let the monster in me take over.
In minutes the human I had feared for so long was dead and I fell to the ground, away from the mutilated body, shaking. I hated to kill, even for my protection. It sickened me, and as I returned to my human state, the act I had just done really hit me. His blood dripped from my fingers, and I knew all my pain, my hatred, all the death he caused was over.
It was really over.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Through the Rains

The days and the nights roll on, the only constant in my life. The people come and go, each time taking away pieces of me. One day i'll be nothing. Until that day I move through life like a ghost, an empty vessel, my journey to no where getting shorter and shorter. My past is like an empty glass bottle. It should be filled with the substance I have set my life to doing. Yet I find that success and achievement have met no length or award. And with no substance my past is breakable; so easily shattered that it's as if it doesn't exist to anyone other than the one person who has to clean it up.
I try to run, far away where I can live in peace, but in this world there is no such thing as peace, only destruction and heartbreak. I look to the sky in the high mountains, the crisp blue looking down at me. Clouds roll over to break the beauty and to shower down on me with ice and pain. When will it end?
I fall to the mud, where the earth and the sky fight, the rain pelting down hard on my back. I'm so cold, and I know my voyage won't continue on for very much longer. Is this really the end? Is this really what my life has boiled down to? I yell at the sky asking why, to anyone that might be listening, but suddenly blinded by one ray of light that has fought the grey clouds to shine down, not on me, but in front of me and I look down to see a tiny sign of life, pushing through the destruction to grow. A tiny flower bud, that would live forever.

Monday, June 21, 2010

where has it gone?

where has the wind gone,
that once held me so high?
The wind that brushes past me,
That guides me home.

Where has the water gone,
That once flowed through me?
The water that soaked my skin,
Cleansing me of my impurities.

Where has the fire gone,
That once warmed my soul?
The fire that lighted up my world,
to give me the gift of sight.

Where has the earth gone,
in which i had once planted my feet?
The earth which fed me,
And gave me life.

And most importantly where has you heart gone?
I though you loved me.
But as I look into your chest
All I see is an empty space.
And I realize I'm all alone...

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Dear Maths

Dear maths,
Oh how I hate you.
I have done so much for you.
I have solved your problems,
And I have worked with you for hours,
But you never seem to change.
You will always have something else wrong,
And I never get anything in return,
Except for heavy eyes
And a throbbing head.
So, dear maths,
You can go jump down a well.
Don’t worry about me,
I won’t miss you,

Saturday, May 22, 2010

The Little Things (1)

Fate. It seems to be the happy ending to all stories. The ultimate fairy tale. It’s the fairy god mother that comes and fixes all disasters; too good to be true, just like magic. It might be a little blind, a little deaf, and just unpractical, but no matter how fate puts it, life just seems to be resolved in perfect ways. The lowly girl becomes the princess. The maid marries the prince. The wicked witch gets punished for all her wrong doings. Too bad life isn’t a fairy tale. No, instead the real world is harsh, unjustified, cruel and just to piss you off even more it likes to slap you straight hard in the face, and you can’t do anything about it. There’s no prince riding on his white horse ready to sweep you off your feet. No, your prince is just a retard in tin foil. There’s no genie waiting to grant you three wishes; instead there’s lies to draw you in, that ask for everything you’ve got in return for luxury and riches, only to turn around and dump you on your ass on the pavement with nothing.
There are some people in this world who understand this early in their lives. They figure out that we don’t all grow up to be princess or super heroes, but middle class citizens, working an office job. But there are others who have a hard time letting go of the dreams, the wishes. They go through life, being crushed over and over again just because everything doesn’t turn out like the plan they had in their heads, and it kills them.
Charlotte had a hard time letting go of things. One early Monday morning as she rode the train into town, watching building after building flash past the window in a colourful blur, she contemplated how her life would be if she had done it differently. Only a week ago had her boyfriend of three years broken up with her. This set off a chain reaction, making her realize that she had been do distracted by him to see how incredibly boring the rest of her life was. Building after building flashing by, just like the opportunities that flashed past her life, that she had missed because she had been so wrapped up in the little things that really meant nothing. She reached out and touched the cool glass, hoping that if she tried a bit harder she could really touch the buildings. Little sparkling rain drops attacked the other side of the glass, trying and trying like she was; her own little army, loosing the battle for her. Just like the rain, she knew she’d never reach the other side. The buildings all disappeared into darkness as the train rushed into the dark tunnel as it did every morning. Cheap, florescent lights lit up the train’s carriage; scarcely enough to see, but it didn’t really matter. Charlotte didn’t really need to see. She was alone in the train, as usual at six am in the morning; alone to drown in her thoughts that liked to suffocate her with torment. Shakespeare said that present fears are far less than horrible imaginings. Her future was melting away in her hands like butter; high calorie, fat causing butter. Charlotte was going into town to the university to study art and literature. It wasn’t such a bad school, but her end of school finals had hurt her enough, stealing her away from life, just to study people she didn’t understand, people she won’t meet and people who won’t change her life, even the slightest bit. And now she’d have to do that all over again, only ten times worse. It was taking its toll on her, and she wondered if it was even worth finishing her course. Her parents would tell her to stop being so melodramatic. She wondered how they would feel if they were in her position.
The train slowed to a stop at a station, one station before hers, and few people entered on the train. They stayed close to the doors, not bothering to move upstairs to the chairs like she had. She heard the occasional cough from a man down stairs, one she could see. It was getting close to winter; it would be a cold June this year, and many people were already sick. She wasn’t one to get sick very often, but that didn’t stop her from keeping her distance from people who were. Her school seemed to be filled with sick students and teachers. Coughing and sneezing. Disgusting. She couldn't understand how anyone could be a nurse or a doctor, and have to put up with it every working day of their lives.
Her stop was coming up quickly, and she stepped down to get closer to the door. She held tightly to the pole in the middle of the small room in front of the door to steady herself from falling and bumping into the man who was starting to cough his lungs out. He was an elderly man, with a short grey beard. There weren’t many people standing there with her; about four other people. Most of them looked young enough to be a student like her, and when the train finally came to a stop, they all hurried to the door.
“Excuse me.” Said the man with the grey beard. She spun around, and saw him holding up her sliver scarf. How did that fall off? She swore she would have noticed it.
“Thanks.” She hurried off down the station. She was going to be late again. She hated having such early classes. It was just past eight now, and Charlotte knew she wasn’t going to make it in time. Her art teacher already disliked her enough, because she can’t draw realistically. He tells her that she is too abstract with her painting. But it’s the way he says it. He basically tells her that her paintings are so unrealistic a child could have painted it. It was sad to think that the work that she produced after years of studying art, could have been mistaken for a child’s work.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Soldier's monologue

The nights grow darker every time I'm on duty. No matter how effective my weapons are or how many people I have backing me up, I still feel like a child, alone in the dark. Those reds, they could be anywhere, ready to attack. They're monsters.
My family are proud of me. "My son's a soldier" I can hear my father speak. But why is it when I fight, do I feel so sick, to the pit of my stomach? I'm just doing my job right?
Yesterday I killed a child. A little girl, not much older than my own. She was so small a fragile - just skin and bone, crouching in the shadows, squeezing her eyes shut. I don't even think she heard me coming. I heard her screams in my dreams last night, and I know it won't be the last time I hear it.
When you die, you don't go to Hell, there is no Hell in the after life - this is Hell and I'm living it now.

Victim's poem

I've run day and night,
And yet darkness is on my tail.
They never stop,
They never rest,
Not even for a minute

Friend or foe,
Blood is spilt,
Staining our great land,
a stale red
And it makes me sick.

Help me!
Please, help me!
Why won't you help me?
Don't just sit there!
Don't let them take me away!

Friday, April 30, 2010


I need help! Will you help me?
I’m trapped; a prisoner to a cruel and evil master. He has trapped my feet under ground, holding me in place; eliminating any chance for escape. He has cut off my arms, right to the shoulder. But when the fingers begin to show, my master, he gets angry. He sharpens his knives and cuts deeper into the flesh.
“To preserve your beauty my dear.” he tells me. My head is his prize; my beauty is his goal. One faultless head to preserve forever. Our only purpose in life is to reach perfection. I have seen many times my brothers and sisters falling to disease, dying before their time. Others I have watched reach acceptation from the master, only to reach the chopping block. My poor friends; I loved them so.
But if you’re lucky; if you’re perfect, you may get to live. My lucky brothers and sisters have their one foot in the grave, far, far away from our master. That’s what keeps me going.
Our conditions are harsh. We get fed once a day; always cold and in liquid form. But it is sufficient. Everyday we are groomed, to keep out arms and feet in check. The master slowly tries to sculpt us into his perfect prize.
Can you save me? Will you save me? My name is Rose; don’t let them kill me. Please don’t.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

my Love is an Angel

My love is an angel,
an angel of glass.
Crystal eyes,
and wings of snow.

But now I sit by the fire,
watching them shatter in my hands.
I don’t understand,
how we are so powerful,
yet so weak.

My angel’s blood,
stains my hands forever.
the sun sets taking my heart
leaving me in the dark

Oh love, how I miss
the touch of your skin
the love in your eyes
forgive me my angel

I shatter the mirrors
like I shattered my angel
So I don’t see the monster
that sits on my shoulder
telling me what a good job I’ve done

when love is lost

When love is lost,
Sky greys,
Heads lower.
No one tries.

I run,
High into the mountains,
Where air is thin.

I breathe deep,
Slowly losing my mind.
Where were you,
I’m so lost without you.

I crave your voice,
Your touch,
Your kiss.
Please come back.

My head spins,
Out of contol.
How can you save me now?
Would you save me now?

Many questions dwell inside me,
None that can be answered.
I hate my self,
But not as much as I hate you.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Words of a Hated Man

I don't like where I am. It scares me. Every face I see; it's dark and soulless, empty eyes staring back at me. I try to escape, but it's impossible. I made a deal with the devil, and I have to accept that. Clawing at the walls of my mind, trying to find a tear or a rip is pointless. All I asked for was a good and long life with my family. Was that so much to ask? And in return all he wanted was for me to live within my mind. How hard could that be right? In my mind my world was my own; I could control everything. But I was sorely wrong. The fears and the nightmares that I had tried so hard to lock away at the back of my mind have found their escape. They terrorise the perfect world my mind has come so accustomed to. It was a beautiful, peaceful world. But that now is shattered. The ghosts of my past come back to haunt me, and though I no longer live and walk in the world, they still hurt me, reminding me of the horrible things I did while I was awake and walked the Earth.
I look upon what I have left behind. I see family, beautiful children, mourning for their loss. Oh if they only knew of the pain I had caused in my life, of the horror I had created. I guess I had it coming.
The blood shed by the men I once knew, but the men I trusted was done by my command. I am truly sorry for what I have done, but I couldn't change it even if I had the chance. There was no other way, right? What's done is done. These people's lives have shattered in my hands like glass, and I do not regret my choices. It is my people that I must protect at all times, and if that means living in hell for all eternity, then I must do what I have to do. Again, I am sorry.

The Water's Secret

He held the gun in two hands out in front of him, pointed directly at her. His jaw was set, and he looked completely serious about what he was going to do. But she saw it, only for a moment did he let his true self come though his eyes; a moment of weakness. Though she did not relax at this sight as he was still pointing a gun to her chest and was in the midst of mental instability. Of course she had an idea why he was brought to this decision, and she hoped there was a way to coax him out of this act.
“Eric-” was all she said before he pulled the trigger. The horrible noise created by the small object rang loudly in her ears, rendering her deaf for only a moment. She screamed and jumped back, tripping over her own feet and falling to the ground. But there was no pain, except for the pain radiating down her side from where she had just landed on the cold, wooden floor. He had missed her, purposely, aiming to his far right.
“SHUT UP!” he yelled. “Just shut up, ok?” There was a moment silence except for Eric’s heavy breathing as an endless train of thought passed though Maria’s mind. What had she gotten herself into?
“Please.” she begged, her voice just barely passing for a whisper. But in this cold night, not even the crickets sung their song, and all was heard by Eric.
“Why?” was all he could say. He let his arms hang effortlessly by his sides, the gun though still held firmly in one hand. She couldn’t look him in the eye, and looked down at the ground instead. She didn’t want to answer him. She didn’t want to admit that the only reason that she was here was because she was afraid. She didn’t want to admit that there was nothing that scared her more than love; a true relationship that really meant something and wasn’t just another high school fling. But she couldn’t admit that to him, not now, and not anytime in the future. But it was obvious that he wanted an answer and he was going to extremes to get it his way. But with his fragile condition she knew that there was no way for him to accept that without someone getting hurt.
He came to stand over her, but she still wouldn’t look at him. She flinched as he stretched out his arm to help her up. She paused before taking his hand and standing up. She was unsure why he suddenly changed, but she was grateful he wasn’t yelling and threatening her with the gun anymore. The gun, she was well aware of was still in his other hand. He held tightly onto her hand as he whispered in her ear.
“An eye for an eye has always been the best method, right?” he raised the gun to her stomach, this time he wouldn’t miss. She caught her breath, trying not to scream, and struggled to escape his grip. He caught on tightly to her arm, digging his nails into her skin and pinning her to the wall.
“Please, Eric, no!” she begged, tears streaming down her face, and her body shaking violently. The loud, shattering noise of the gun once again rung loudly in her ears. But this time her deafness wasn’t temporary, and immense pain radiated from her stomach. She didn’t want to look down, but she could feel the blood dripping to the floor.
Eric fell to the ground with her, never taking his eyes away from hers. He was astonished at what he had just done. But he had done it, and there was no going back. She was just barely hanging on to life, and her breath was slowing as the seconds passed. What had he done?
“I’m sorry.” he whispered as she finally left him, and he was alone in the world, with no one to help him no matter how much they tried. Maria was the only person who truly knew what he was going through, and some how she had pulled through her own painful past to live a perfectly happy life, even enough to come back to help him. But he wouldn’t let her. He didn’t want to move. He was too comfortable in his depressed state to ever fix things, and he knew that would ruin his life. And when she turned her back on him, realizing that there was no hope for him, did he really appreciate what she was trying to do. And now that was all gone.
He dropped the gun, and lifted her up, letting her head rest on his shoulder. Her blood had begun pooling around them, and as he carried her out of the room, rubies were scattered in a trail behind them, like foot prints. He took her outside and stood in front of the lake that had caused him so much pain. It was quite strange to think that all of his misdeeds of the past month and the misdeeds of many people before him were the fault of a lake; a body of water that moved and danced when the wind and the moon commanded it do so. He placed her down at the water’s edge on the soft sand, and lay beside her. The hours felt like seconds, and before he knew it, the tide had risen enough to finally sweep him under its grasp, taking him and Maria into its murky depths where they settled to it’s floor making their final resting place. And just before he let death take him from this world he opened his eyes one last time to see the treasures of the water; the price paid by all those before him. Into the eyes he stared of all those who sold the souls to the water demon.

Saturday, April 3, 2010


Screams and the sounds of rock crashing against harder rock.
That's all I hear. I'm pretty sure some of those screams are from my own mouth, but I don't care. I have to get to her, I have to save her. But something is holding me down.
Warm rippling muscle, twisting around me, turning me away, focusing in on me with sapphires with darkened souls. Their darkness wrapping around my wrists, taking me away from my world. More screams - this time I don't know where they came from - and then there's silence. A kind face shelters me, telling me everything's alright. But he lies - there's something wrong, I know it.
A bright light blinds me, and I'm gone from the world that scares me, and I'm back home. Back in my warm bed, snuggled under my blanket. I don't like my dreams any more. They scare me. I thought dreams were like worlds our minds create when our lives are hard, a place we can retire to after a hard day to live in a strange sense of bliss. Why can't my mind just be kind to me and give me a break for once.
"honey, what's wrong?" my mum asks from the door. "You were screaming."
"Nothing, mum. Just another nightmare."


They follow me closely,
Like the night follows the day,
And their pain radiates from them,
Like smoke from a fire.

They moan,
And they wail,
Constantly reminding me,
Of the deed I have done.

At every slight noise,
They scream in my ear,
making me jump,
And swallow my heart.

"My hands are your colour,
But I shame to wear a heart so white."
But I know her heart,
And it's is as black as the burden I carry.

My skin glistens with the crimson,
That is thicker than water,
But in my cruel act,
I have broken my sense of family.

The gold that surrounds my head,
shields my aura,
And hides my fear,
Surely they know.

Day after day,
I find that death is upon my door step,
never for me,
but by my command.

I have murdered sleep,
And while I wake and walk,
I do not fear,
But as I close me eyes they return to me.

My beauty has gone,
her heart to beat no longer,
And with her hands in mine,
I find I no longer need her.

I see my death in front of me,
in the form of a man,
born not of woman,
And I call to him and laugh.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Love is a melody

The music is so soft,
yet it beats inside of me,
louder than my heart.

It makes me want to shout,
to sing,
to make the world know of my happiness.

So beautiful and sweet,
Warm and comforting,
I feel safe when I hear the notes ring loudly in my ears.

I makes me catch my breath,
makes my skin tingle,
Makes me want to cry and laugh.

I have to hear it,
over and over,
I never want it to end.

But then the notes get slower,
softer than before,
and I know I don't have long to soak it in.

For this is just another song,
just another melody,
just another boy trying to win my heart.


"You don't want to go outside." said the young girl. She had snuck up behind me, and I jumped in surprise. She looked about sixteen and wore a long dark shirt and skinny, dark jeans. She was covering most of her skin. She had long, thick, dark curls that cascaded down to her waist. She looked so unlike the other teenagers I had seen around. Most teenagers would have cut their hair short, or at the very least coloured is some very unnatural colour. But her hair looked natural. And her clothes, why did she cover so much up? It must have been almost 38 degrees Celsius. I craved to go back to my apartment and get out of this drab suit that was a mandatory uniform at the office. I often envied the young who could wear such free and colourful clothes. It's funny to think that a little more than a decade ago I was one of them. But it seems that the second you turn 25 you just get turned into some zombie worker drone.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because they'll get you. They can smell you." her expression didn't change, but she glanced outside, though the large, floor to ceiling, round window in the wall beside us, before focusing back to me.
"What will get me? There's nothing out there, right?"
"Nothing living." There was an eerie note to her voice. "It's the silver vampires. They'll find you quickly and kill you without mercy."
"OK now you’re just making up stories." I said, turning from her to the door. I peered through the small, circular window in the door. Behind the door was a small room, or what was left of it anyway. It was a mess. It looked as if something had come and taken a great bite out of the side of it. The furniture was ripped apart and there was broken glass covering everything. Somewhere, off to the right, a broken electrical wire sparked brightly. Long purple curtains just barely held onto the wall, and danced lightly in the breeze. I had never felt a breeze before; natural that is, only watched it from behind two inch thick glass.
"Why would I make up anything like this?" she asked her voice and face expressionless.
"Because you're a child, and children make up stories." I told her promptly.
"Do you really believe that, or did they tell you that?"
"What?" I had no idea what she was talking about, and my chance to step outside was thinning.
"Why do you want to leave, Mr Davis?" she asked, tension building in her voice.
" do you know my name?" I had never met this girl before. She stood out in such contrast to the rest of them, I would have noticed her if I had met her, right?
"Why do you want to leave, Mr Davis?" she repeated.
"I don't want to leave; I just want to see outside."
"But if you go out there, they'll get you. They have no mercy."
"Yeah, I got you the first time." All emotion had left her voice, and I felt like I was no longer talking to a human. She stared at me blankly, wanting better answer. "Listen kid, I don't know who you are, and I don't care. Just leave me-"
"Everything alright here sir?" A patrol officer was just passing by as I began to raise my voice. He had just rounded the corner of the long corridor; I don't know how I didn't hear him coming. I guess I could say the same about the girl.
"Yes, every thing's fine." I smiled. I had become good a faking a smile now, even when I felt like crap; it was second nature to me now. He nodded, and continued walking down passed us and rounded another corner.
"Just leave me alone." I hissed when I thought the officer was out of ear shot.
"I'm trying to help." her voice flat.
"There’s nothing to help. I won't go outside." I told her. She smiled and her face suddenly came back to life.
"Well that's good. I'll see you later." she said waving and following the path of the officer. I hoped I wouldn't see her again. I turned back to the window. It was so quiet there. I looked down the corridor, both ways and strained my ears for any noise. Nothing. I reached out slowly to the door knob. I didn't even know if it was unlocked, but I had to find out. It was the first time that I had walked down this corridor. I was just taking a short cut, when I saw the yellow and black police tape cutting off the door from the hall. I had only slipped under it when the girl appeared. As I turned the golden handle it squeaked loudly. I stopped suddenly and glanced over my shoulders, as if that small noise had been amplified around the whole building.
"Relax." I told myself. My heart was racing. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Maybe it was because going outside was wrong; I've had that drilled into my head for as long as I could remember. Then again, how could I go outside anyway? There were no doors to the outside, and the windows were next to impossible to break. And even if you did, somehow break a window, where would you go? Then, I was on the top floor, level 183 and all floors under level ten were restricted in any building. There were over one hundred buildings in this small town and the only way to get between the buildings was to catch the train that connected them all together on level 30.
The train! I looked down at my watch. 6:55pm. my train would leave in 5 minutes. I dashed under the police tape and sprinted off down the corridor to the station.

Friday, March 5, 2010

The Secret Beach

Sun light poured over me, warming my skin as I stepped out of the car. It’s funny how less than one hundred kilometers can make such a difference in weather. I hadn’t been out in the sun in about three months. Getting away from the city was getting harder and harder since Simon got the position of city keeper, though we all called him the executioner. He was harsh, and recently set up new rules and curfews. But as long as I got back in a few hours, no one would notice I’m gone.
The sand was hot under my feet. The crystal blue water stretched out in a perfect line making the horizon. I could taste the salt in the air, only a few more meters and I could feel the salt on my skin. The water was cold but welcomed. The sky back at my village might be constantly grey and looked like it was going to rain, but on most days it was so humid that it was hard to move. I dived under the clear water, letting the coolness surround me. Oh how I wished I could live here, come here every day. To sit in the sun and swim in the water would be paradise. Even if it meant abandoning my people. Not that they cared. Since my brother Henry died, I have no use in that hell hole. I live for myself, and make no use to any of my neighbors, who are quickly becoming aware of it. I know that if I make no go use soon, I will have to work for Simon. That’s were most orphans with no talent go. It’s sad really to watch them all being exploited. They all work like slaves. If only there was something I could do. Henry had a talent. If he was here still to provide for us, then I wouldn’t have to work for Simon. He was the best artist in the village. His paintings were so perfect. They were so good they looked like photographs, which got him a lot of business because clear photographs were hard to come by now. We could have been the richest family in the village.
I took another breath and submerged myself in another wave, the refreshing water taking away memories. I wish I could breathe under water, and then I could escape into the ocean, live among the fish as if I was one of them. If only. I don’t have a talent, I never have. They always told me I was lucky to have Henry, I knew I was. I didn’t mind all the other students gossip and laugh at me when I took a study period every time we had our elective. In a school day, the first four periods were classes like maths, English, cooking, cleaning, any sort of knowledge we need to get along in life. The last two periods were dedicated to our elective, our talent, which we either picked, or our teacher chose for us. Neither my teacher nor I could decide which elective I would fit in. So instead I spend my last two periods in the library, studying. I didn’t mind, really. Beside all I want to do is live here, by the water.
I walked out of the water, the hot sand sticking to my wet legs and feet. I laid out my towel, spreading the sand, and sat down, putting on my hat and glasses. The sun dried my skin slowly, giving me a dark and even tan. No one back at my village knew where I got my tan from. Everyone else was so pasty because of the clouds. The beach was a family secret, so everyone in the Winters family had a deep tan from coming to the beach so often. Ironic how my name and my looks clash so much, eh? But that was helpful and made no one question me. They all thought that colour ran in my family.
I sat up again and stretched, I must have fallen asleep. I must have not slept very long because I hadn’t burned yet. And that’s when I saw him. He stood down the beach, just out of my vision. He was a blur, but I could tell he was there. It was impossible. No one followed me, I was sure, and no one knows about this beach. I was sure of that. I stood and began walking towards him. He didn’t move.
“Hey!” I yelled. But he didn’t answer. I was getting closer, but he was not becoming clear in my vision. What was happening? I yelled to him again, but still received no answer. Suddenly in the corner of my eye I could see a hint of purple. I gasped and turned that way. I saw it up in the sand dunes that eventually grew to thick bushland. But there was no purple mist. I turned back to the boy, but he was also gone. How could he do that? There was no where he could hide in that time. Though the fog could be the only explanation.
Two hundred years ago, the world was different. People had freedom to do and go where ever they wanted. Then the purple fog came around. They called it the eggplant flu, because the mist was an eggplant colour, and smelled like one too. The teachers at my school taught us about it. They said that when it first broke out, the humans had a sort of immunity to it, well some of them anyway. Most of the old population grew sick with what everyone that was the common flu, hence the name eggplant flu. But in a few weeks these people would die very quickly of dehydration. Scientists and doctors of the world tried the best they could to find a cure, and they thought they did, for a while. The rest of the population was injected with a something that they though would prevent death from the eggplant flu. But it only stopped the weeks of sickness that was followed by death. Instead people began just dropping dead at the first breath of the fog. That was when we were rounded into communities like mine, to be protected from the fog. I don’t know how a wall like the three meter tall brick one that surrounds my village will shield us from a deadly gas, it’s a bit stupid to even consider. But we don’t question it. It has seemed to work for the years that they have been up and holding together.
My great great granddad, when he was about twenty, my age, figured out how to climb the wall; distract the guards and climb the tree. Easy I guess, but it’s easier said then done. My granddad was so good that he was going down to the beach once a week. He taught my granddad, who taught my father, who taught Henry, who taught me.
“You shouldn’t be taking you little sister to the beach.” my parents yelled at my brother when they noticed my tan.
“She’s fifteen; I think she’s old enough. Besides, why hide it from her, the beach is beautiful.” I never went as often as my brother did, but I didn’t complain. Going at all was good enough for me. But soon after that, my parents died. Although the wall kept out the fog, it didn’t keep out the other diseases humans were prone to. Like malaria. I wasn’t even allowed to say goodbye before they died, they didn’t want to loose another life to the awful virus, no matter how useless my life is.
I walked up the dune and stood on the edge of the bushland. I was risking my life by following what I think I saw, but I was fast, and needed to know if I did see something. Maybe I could out run it? I peered into the cluster of gumtrees that blocked my vision.
“Hello?” I yelled. But I got no answer. I looked up at the sky, at the sun. It was about five in the afternoon. “Shit!” I ran down the hill to pack my things and sprinted off to my car. I had only a little more than an hour before curfew.
I drove back to the house where we first found the car, only a block away from the edge of the wall, and ran down the street. It was a much longer trip back then I had expected, and it was past curfew. An icy wind beat against my face and the thunder roared in the distance. I climbed the tree that edged the wall. As a new rule, Simon cut all the trees on the inside of the wall down, the ones that were too close to the wall. He didn’t tell the rest of my village, to stop panic. If they knew that someone could climb the wall, chaos would break out, or at least Simon thought it would. Only Henry and I realised. And that is how Henry died. We were trying to get over the wall when he fell. I didn’t see it happen, but I heard the snap. I had to carry my brother back to the hospital. They didn’t ask me too many questions; I was too upset to answer anyway.
It took me a while to go back to the beach. Not only for the fact, that it took me a while to learn to climb the ridged edges of the wall, but because it hurt just to come back to the place where it happened. There was no blood, in was a fracture to his spinal cord that had killed him, but in my eyes, the area was drenched in an eternal sadness that forever reminded me of him. I had gotten quite skilled in climbing the wall, and thankfully years of weathering and decay had created grooves in the wall, perfect for my small feet. I hauled myself on top of the wall, and sat low, momentarily to scan the area. This was probably the furthest point from any houses, and ahead of me was a vast area of trees. There were no guards below or around me, just yet, so I leapt down, landing unsteadily on my feet and sprinted to wards the dim glow of the village rising softly above the tree tops.


It was almost done, almost around his wrist.
"Hey! What are you doing?!” yelled the guard, jerking his hand away. But it was too late for him, it was done. I flipped the switch, and the blue glow from the shackles held his wrist in place. I grabbed the gun from his desk before quickly jumping away from his grasp. He grabbed at the air in front of me; I could feel his skin brush past, just missing me. I staggered back a bit, holding the gun out in front of me with two hands. My hands were shaking. The guard hesitated for a moment before realising I was completely incapable with a gun and pulled his own gun from his belt and aimed it at me. Shit. I was going to die. I racked my brain for something, anything.
'I wouldn't shoot if I was you." I said, hoping I didn't sound as nervous as I felt. He narrowed his eyes. 'I am the daughter of the ancient king."I said, straightening my back as I did. He only widened his eyes, but he still looked as though he doubted everything I said."And if the legends are true, then it is pointless since you can not harm or kill me." I didn’t want to have to prove it to him.
"That's bullshit!" he didn't hesitate and shot the gun. The bullet flew too fast for me to react and it pierced through my shoulder. I could hear my bone shatter and I had to use every ounce of my energy to stay standing. He shattered my right shoulder, making my arm fling back and throw my gun behind me. I tried to grip it as it slipped from my fingers, but I realised then that I could not longer move my hand or fingers. Never had I experienced anything as painful, never in my life do I want to experience that again. I bit down hard on my lip and stood for a moment to regain myself. My vision started to blur and fade and I suddenly got vey light headed. I looked down slowly at the large wound surrounded by crimson drenched fabric. The blood seeped down and dripped on the floor. It wasn’t working, all I was told was a lie. I reached up to the wound and as my finger made contact with the open flesh the searing pain that I thought couldn't get any worse increased so intensely I thought I was going to be sick. I let a noise that sounded between a hiss and a moan escape my lips. Tears swelled in my eyes as I dug deeper in find the bullet. Finally my fingers clasped around the hot metal and in one jerking motion, I pulled the bullet from my shoulder. I bit down on my lip so hard that I thought I tasted blood. I flicked the bullet away and heard the ping sound as it bounced off the floor.
"Is that all you’ve got?"I asked, my voice sounding breathless. The man laughed and aimed at me again, this time at my head. Suddenly joy surged though me, every happy memories I had in my mind suddenly bubbled to the surface. I felt like I was just about to start laughing hysterically, I was so happy. I looked at the guard and saw his face had dropped and his attention was back on my shoulder. I followed his gaze and watched the bullet wound heal before my eyes. The immense pain soon left too. The guard dropped his gun and backed away.
"What are you?" He asked. I could only grin as I left the room.

Love's Ghost

Suddenly the feeling of panic that I had experienced earlier that day returned to me, along with the splitting headache, waves of nausea and rusty metal taste in my mouth. I looked franticly around in a panicked daze to see where he was. In such a small and confined space I was hoping he would keep his distance. Only this time he wasn’t there. But he had to be right? It was funny to think that now I was expecting the boy who had terrorised me in my darkest moments. It took me a few moments to realize that he was there, lingering above my head watching me, always watching me. He was so close! I had to catch my breath to stop myself from screaming. I could see his face so perfectly now from the dim glow coming in from the window. Square jaw, thin lips, big eyes that looked as if they could catch the light so fantastically. He would look so handsome if he wasn’t so transparent and washed out and hovering inches from my face. There was something that grew inside of me that wanted to reach up and touch him that burned through the panic that I was experiencing. But in my shackled state that was impossible. As if thinking the same thing, the boy reached down and brushed back of lock of hair that had fallen astray from behind my ear, with the tips of his fingers. They were not at all as I would have expected them. They were warm and rough, like they belonged to a boy who had dedicated his life to a punishing spot. But there was something different about his touch. It was like a jolt of electricity suddenly coursed through us both. My skin tingled and felt sweet, like chocolate. But how would I know? I’ve never eaten chocolate before, have I? I sat completely motionless as he jerked his hand back, feeling the same electricity I had. I was caught in a trance, not sure if I wanted to sink back into whatever little space I had left, or to reach of and touch him again. Oh how I now craved that jolt of electricity that buzzed though my mind. But he decided for me. He lent in and met me with a kiss so light I wasn’t sure if out lips had touched at all. The electricity that now poured through is gave me a dizzy effect that made me wonder if this was even real at all; was I imagining him, like so many had told me before? To create such a thing as this boy and this kiss with my mind was banished from my thoughts when I opened my eyes again. He hovered there, a smile playing on his lips that seemed all too familiar, before colour burst though his face. His skin gave a glow of its own and his eyes were so green and beautiful like emeralds. He reached out one last time to cup my face and his hand seemed to fit perfectly to my jaw, before finally fading into the darkness, leaving me alone, trapped with only my thoughts to play over and analyze what had just happened.

“No! Wait!” I called into the night, before I could catch the words escaping from my mouth.

“Shut up!” Yelled the man angrily from the other side of the door.